Dear Filipino Girl, Eat What You Want
The Holidays are coming. Which sometimes means time to get unsolicited body comments from our family and friends!
Picture this: You are getting ready for Thanksgiving dinner with your large Filipino family. You mentally prepare yourself to hear comments about your body throughout the night. You remind yourself to not let those comments bother you, but you know they still hurt.
“You gained weight. That’s a lot of food. WHAT! No rice? Oh, back for seconds? If you lose weight, you’ll look better. You look so good now that you’re skinnier.” You’ve heard it all…
The Messaging Behind Body Comments
As a fellow Filipino-American woman, I’ve spent a lot of time rebuilding my relationship with food into a healthier one. And I realized over time how harmful body comments can be (even positive body comments). The message that is portrayed is that people are better when they are smaller and on the converse side, people are worse when they are bigger.
Some people may be losing weight due to depression or grieving. Some people may be actively trying to gain weight for health reasons. Some people may be losing weight due to exercising in a healthy way. Some people may be losing weight due to compulsive exercising. Who are we to judge what is better or worse for someone?
So then, what can we do about it?
Ways to Respond (or not) to Body Comments
No Response
Don’t forget that no response can be a response! You always have a choice — you can say something or you can let it go.
There are different factors that may play into this decision: Is this the time and place? Is this person responsive? Am I able to respond directly and appropriately? Sometimes, ignoring the comment can be the best thing for you in that moment.
Short & Sweet
If wanting to respond with something short n sweet, you can say something nice and simple such as:
“Let’s not make body comments.” or “I don’t want to talk about my body.”
Direct
Something a little more informative and direct can sound like: “My weight isn’t a talking point, so let’s talk about ___ instead.” “I don’t like discussing my body. Let’s change the subject.” “Well, I like my body whether it’s big or small.”
Some Sass & Spice
Or add some oomph and hit them with a: “Hell yeah I’m eating more pie! I DO WHAT I WANT.” “Doesn’t matter my weight, I’m pretty all the time.” “Yeah, I’m a baddie with a booty.” OR for some spice, “Yup, I get my body from you.” “Oh my gosh, you too!” “What a weird thing to say out loud!”
Celebrating with Food
The holiday season is a time for celebration! And if there’s one way most people (especially Filipinos) celebrate, it’s with food. So don’t feel like you have to deny yourself the pleasure of celebrating with food because you might be judged by others. They get to celebrate with food, so why can’t you?
Worth ≠ Body
And most importantly, know that your worth is not measured by your body.
Make the Best Choice For You
So this Thanksgiving, make the choice that’s best for you! Maybe it’s eating as much as you want. Maybe it’s eating one serving and coming back for more later. Maybe it’s eating until you’re full or eating more than you normally would. Maybe it’s more desserts or maybe it’s more vegetables. The point is the choice is yours to make.
Dear Filipino Girl
So Dear Filipino Girl, eat what you want! Have the dang pie! Have some rice! Eat more turkey! WITH NO GUILT OR REMORSE. You are making the choice that is best for YOU. In the end, the only right choice is the choice you make.
Therapy with Czarina De Jesus, LMFT
Through therapy, I aspire to help Filipinos and Asian-Americans unlearn cultural behaviors that no longer serve them. Together, we can develop new skills and mindsets to help you break the cycle and create the change you desire in your life.
To learn more about therapy, REACH OUT TODAY